Greetings All!

Sorry- no jokes today.  I'm just sitting here, enjoying my last few blissful hours alone.  I've been home with the dogs while the other humans in the family have spent a few days in Boston and New Hampshire.  I've split my time fairly evenly between loafing, doing major housework, and some political activism.  I've decided that there are a couple of things that need my attention, so I set out to figure out how best to get Trent Lott and Lindsay Graham really, really mad at me.  This is where you come in.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who is a bit daunted about the idea of faxing all one hundred US Senators.  It's tedious if you have a home fax that has to do one number at a time.  If you manage to set aside one afternoon of your month to do only that, you are left with that sad feeling of being only one, even though you sent a hundred faxes to such admirable people as Harry Reid and Ted Kennedy, and to the GOP's stellar turn-coats, Sens. Lott, Graham, Kyl, Martinez, et al.  They don't know and don't care that you sent an acid note to all of the members of the Senate.  It hardly seems worth the effort.  Calling is effective, I'm told, but you have to call during business hours, which is hard for those who have actual jobs, unlike the Senators themselves.

Well, that's where I come in.  I have a preset group address in my print dialog thingy that has all of the names and all of the fax numbers of all of the Senators, including the two Benedict Arnolds from Texas.  So I can type up a letter and send it as a fax to all 100 senators faster than you can say, " Oprime el número uno para español."  Today I sent 14 customized letters from family and friends, using various tones and wordiness according to my mood, which changes faster than the weather (hey: finally I can make the whole hormone thing work for me.)  That's 1400 faxes that will zip off as soon as I turn off my internet connection, I think, if they use the same modem.

I want to offer you the opportunity to do the same.  Just send me an email with your home address, which is needed to show that you are a real person with a representative in Congress (I won't do anything with it AT ALL except this one fax, although you can specify if you want me to fax every day for a week, or through cloture, or the actual vote- may it never come to that).  I promise not to use any vulgarities or obscenities but I won't censor too much if you write your own text.

My goal here is to get as broad a geographical spread as possible, so if you know any people anywhere who would like to take advantage of this fabulous offer, send them or their addresses to me.  Politicians and analysts figure that one mailed letter represents the views of 5,000 people and faxes somewhat less but more than emails.  Phone calls are also very good.  Want to have some fun?  Call 1-800-882-2005 and you'll be greeted by a cheerful recording in Spanish that tells you that it can connect you to your senators (dial "1" for the senior, and "2" for the junior)  You will then be coached to say, "I want to live in America, everything's good in America" or words to that effect.  It's terribly helpful to people who don't speak English.  No one has given me a good answer on this yet:  in order to get citizenship, and therefore the right to vote, don't you have to demonstrate English proficiency?  Anyway, follow the prompts and you will get a real person to whom you can confide your deepest yearnings, such as, "I  really would rather you didn't vote for cloture on this immigration bill which is the worst legislation since the 18th amendment to the Constitution" **

I've attached a sample letter so that you can appreciate my style, but be sure to suggest any themes you want emphasized.  If for some reason you favor passage of the McCain-Bush-Kennedy Immigration Reform Act, I guess you can just sit back and listen to your Rosetta Stone Conversational Spanish Lessons and learn how to boss your basurera around.

Do I have too much time on my hands?  Nope. I'm just prioritizing.  Hope to hear from you!

Best wishes,
Beeb

** Prohibition, in case you didn't know.  Other favorites are: 23 (gives DC electoral votes), 24 (makes poll taxes illegal: Mom's favorite amendment to hate, bless her heart), and of course, número 19.  Have fun!  I hear the millionth caller gets a prize!