There's a song in here somewhere...

The following is an exchange between me and a friend in Columbus, Ohio, whom I knew (in my heart of hearts) had never actually hired a stripper, except perhaps of the furniture variety.

Dear T.: 

A caller to Sean Hannity named Bart, from Columbus, Oh high oh, today enlightened the nation as to the weaknesses of the prosecution case in the Duke Lacrosse and Burlesque team brouhaha.  He drew on his extensive experience hiring strippers, for, you know, guys gettin' married and stuff (twice, that he  remembers) and he said that there is an etiquette to this, you know, like, you never touch the girls cuz the guys that are behind 'em don't like it and bad things happen if you mess with the girls.  When Sean said that the girls didn't have any security with them, Bart said that it's the guys that make the original arrangements that look out for the girls, you know and if word gets back there can be trouble, you know...

Was that you shining Sean on? Honestly, you just slay me sometimes. 

T:  No, weren't me no way.  Don't know nuthin bout strippers, cept the furniture kind.

 

I do have a friend who used to drive for strippers.  He has assured me that what Bart said is true.  I will have to ask him if he knows Bart.

 

Me:  Clearly Ohioans have a handle on this whole stripper security deal that North Carolinians haven't mastered.  Or is it that this gal, deciding that it wasn't really in the riskometer red zone to be drunk and taking off her clothes in front of a bunch of drunken jocks, decided that she would do this freelance, pimpless as it were.  In that case, perhaps all of this is a put up job: the pimp union has found a way to burn both the customer and the service provider for cutting out the middleman.  I bet Nifong is the pimp.

There's an Oscar winning song in here somewhere.  Definitely a blog post.

 

While I'm on the subject of risky business, Kathleen Parker often gets on my nerves and this week was no exception.  While everyone in the media is doing the ol' soft shoe with respect to a rape is a rape is a rape, or, as Ms. Parker puts it:

[...] But aren't all rape victims innocent?

My point: The rules, once changed, change for all. Whether a stripper, a virgin, a mother, a sister, a harlot or a nun, a rape victim is a victim is a victim.

By the time a woman charging rape gets to court, she's had to relive the horror of her experience dozens of times in interviews with cops, investigators, doctors, nurses and social workers - only to face defense lawyers in public court who can ask her the most personal questions imaginable.

Am I the only woman in the universe who completely lost all sense of personal modesty with respect to that area of my  body once I had my first kid?  Of course, by the time that happened, I had been subjected to years of "Our Bodies, Our Selves" and since then we have the Vagina Monologues to thank for demystifying the feminine mystique.  So I'm having a hard time drumming up tons of sympathy for this gal who takes her clothes off for a living and has to face defense lawyers and answer some of "the most personal questions imaginable."  In fact, I think that immodesty, properly applied, is the best defense against rape.  If every would-be rapist knew very well that his stats would be aired in open court, some would think twice or three times before even hiring a stripper, much less going too far with one, or with any woman.  If this woman weren't so obviously stupid, she could have some fun with testimony against a bunch of drunk, racist, young jocks.

That is, if it's true.   I was listening to Susan Estrich on the aforementioned Sean Hannity show yesterday and if she didn't sound so much like Carol Channing she would sound like me.  Her advice to her daughter, when asked what are the rules about drinking, her answer was "None.  If you don't have any alcohol, you never have to worry about drinking too much."  I myself came to this conclusion in college while I was setting a new bar for the title of "Goody Two Shoes."  (never drank any alcohol except once by accident and a glass of home-made gin on the night before graduation; no dope or drugs of any kind; no all-nighters.)  Occasionally we would hear about a woman who was raped, but invariably, no exceptions, she had been  drinking,  The reason is obvious: most attackers would just as soon be dealing with someone who's impaired and someone who's impaired often thinks that accepting rides from strangers is a great idea, or thinks that total strangers are just being generous when they offer their bedrooms for you to lie down for a bit and sober up.  What amazes me now is that I put two and two together in college.  It seemed obvious.

Just like it seems obvious to me now that someone who engages in risky behavior (don't you love that euphemism?) bears responsibility here.  Not all rapes are created equal, Ms. Parker.

 

Comments

[DisgustedBySmugMarriedWomen]

You sound like a smug married white woman with sons. Plenty of women get raped: old ones, young ones, in their own home, on the street, in their office. If you hadn't lived such a sheltered life, probably hiding behind a man who could afford to provide you a car and a house in a safe neighborhood, and who is always home to protect you, you would know that if a man wants to rape you he can, because he is strong and powerful enough, even without the mates, or the gun or the knife he is holding. If a woman does a stupid thing, like getting drunk, or stripping in front of young kids who have mothers with attitudes like yours, they are guilty only of stupidity NOT of a violent, nasty crime. The guilt for rape always lies with the rapist. Taking advantage of a woman's drunken state is no less culpable than taking advantage of the young girl who has no car and must walk home from the station, or the old woman who is too scared to fight back, or the child who accepts a ride because she is too young to understand the risks. I am no man-hater, all the men I know agree with me. If your son got drunk and was anally raped, whose fault would you consider it then? Not his, I'm sure.

[bbmoe]

But you're not a man-hater? Then what's the deal about being married versus not married? What does being white have to do with this unless you think that all whites are racist and raise their sons to be pigs?

It's reactionaries like you who are perverting our justice system and destroying race relations in this country.

That stripper, any stripper takes a big risk, a calculated risk. She also takes money. This woman is leading this kind of life for the money. I find rabid defense of sleezy people "on principle" to be very, very tiresome.