And now, the moment you've been waiting for: the dumbest election gambit you've ever heard.
This is how we calculate it: Dxp (N/-Yk), where D is an integer representing just how stupid the idea is on its face, x is an integer representing the IQ of the person who suggested it, p is the relative importance of the office (U.S. Senator is a 4; Governor 4.5; President 5); N is the number of people who are paying attention on your side and Y is the number of people who are paying attention on your challenger's side, with k being the number of people in the media outside your state who are taking an interest in just how stupid you are.
Whoa! Just broke my HP 12C! Crap! I've had that thing for 30 years and this is the first time I've ever fried it! You'll pay for this David Dewhurst! We'll see how your Bolivian CIA Spanish holds up in civil claims court. Someone get a piñata: We're gonna do a Napoleon Dynamite on Dave.**
**Principal: Look Pedro, I don't know how they do things down in Juarez, but here in Idaho we have a little something called pride, understand? Smashing in the face of a piñata that resembles Summer Wheatley is a disgrace to you, me, and the entire Gem State.
Pedro: I don't understand. He said you are not allowed to smash piñatas that look like real people, but in Mexico we do it all the time.