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« Scott Walker Still Governor of Wisconsin | Main | Cruz-Dewhurst Runoff »
Monday
Jun042012

David Dewhurst to Republican Primary Voters: ¡Vote Aqui!

And now, the moment you've been waiting for: the dumbest election gambit you've ever heard.

This is how we calculate it: Dxp (N/-Yk), where D is an integer representing just how stupid the idea is on its face, x is an integer representing the IQ of the person who suggested it, p is the relative importance of the office (U.S. Senator is a 4; Governor 4.5; President 5); N is the number of people who are paying attention on your side and Y is the number of people who are paying attention on your challenger's side, with k being the number of people in the media outside your state who are taking an interest in just how stupid you are.

Whoa! Just broke my HP 12C! Crap!  I've had that thing for 30 years and this is the first time I've ever fried it!  You'll pay for this David Dewhurst!  We'll see how your Bolivian CIA Spanish holds up in civil claims court.  Someone get a piñata: We're gonna do a Napoleon Dynamite on Dave.**

____

**Principal: Look Pedro, I don't know how they do things down in Juarez, but here in Idaho we have a little something called  pride, understand?  Smashing in the face of a piñata that resembles Summer Wheatley is a disgrace to you, me, and the entire Gem State.

[...]

Pedro: I don't understand.  He said you are not allowed to smash piñatas that look like real people, but in Mexico we do it all the time.

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Reader Comments (3)

It's all those imaginary numbers you're using. I mean, really, you're starting off with the square root of -1 and it just goes downhill from there.

Besides, why would anyone think Dewhurst is going to be any more honest en Español than he is in English? There's a reason he skipped 35 debates prior to the primary, and shyness ain't it.
June 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteraelfheld
I don't think it's a matter of being honest en español, it's a matter of the lies being unintelligible to the people you're telling them to.

Here's the reason he won't debate Cruz en inglés: he knows that Cruz is smart, but not well funded (comparatively), while he, Dewhurst, is not smart (smart: principles+honesty+IQ; has nothing to do with being a successful politician) but very well funded. Dewhurst wants to maximize his advantage and minimize his disadvantage. The only way people are going to see exactly how smart Ted Cruz is compared to David Dewhurst is if they debate.

Really, what DD is deathly afraid of is the Perry Debate Experience. Perry gave away the game the other day when he said that outsiders need to stay out of Texas politics because "they don't understand how we do things in Texas." Which is to say, "We have a complicated good ol' boy back-scratching system going here, and David has done me favors and done a bunch o' other people favors and has paid his dues, often in cash, lots and lots of cash, so we want him to be senator."
June 5, 2012 | Registered Commenterbbmoe
I wonder if Perry realises his endorsement doesn't have much currency with the voting public these days? His shambolic run for the Republican nomination did him no good and rather a bit of harm. Like the Bourbons, he has "learned nothing and forgotten nothing".
June 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteraelfheld

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